Fashion Weak

Hi lovies,

As many of you know, I work in the highly crazed, manic, and fabulous world of fashion. There may also be a contingent of readers who know that it is currently New York fashion week (or the end there of) and I’m sure there is a select few of you know that “fashion week” really means about a month and a half.

For the past 6 weeks I have been a crazed, maniacal fashion head case working the collections and basically being a fashion robot. I work 14 hour days, in 5 inch heels, 7 days a week.

How about that for math?

For as painful and draining this is (and it happens 6 times a year; 3 collections a season!) it’s what we fashion folks all thrive off of, the season of fresh ideas and new trends. I have learned to be wise with my time and have come to rely on a few must have staples that will last me till the final fashion finish line which I will share with you now!

1) No 6 Clogs

I know, I know I have extolled the many merits of these chic and INSANELY comfortable shoes over and over again. But I’m telling you I have converted MANY and during these crazy times where Louboutins make you consider self amputation, these stylish and covetable shoes give you height, comfort, and with their wood heels  (click clack click clack) alert the masses that a fashionista is coming.

2) Trader Joes Salt and Pepper Rice Crisps

There are few things less chic than eating. I kid, I kid however there are few things that we have less time for than eating shortly followed by sleeping, breathing, and peeing. But when you do have a fleeting 2 seconds of peace these treats offer me the crunch and salt I crave to sate my snack tooth. Bonus: there are like 40 crisps a serving so you feel like you get to eat a boatload for 120 calories (appox)

embarrassingly enough there have been more than a few days where my daily caloric intake was monopolized by these delicious crunchies and the chocolate hearts that were sitting around the office for Valentine’s Day. WHOOPS.

3) Stumptown Coffee!!

Call me Amy Winehouse and stick a direct line into my arm because I would actually be dead if it weren’t for this stuff.  Find it, buy it, thank me later.

4) This picture.

Also, there is a new man-make over project in the works however he is shy about having his picture taken so all creative ideas regarding blogging about make better project 2011 are welcome.


Love you!!

Things I Have Learned

So after an eye opening 2 weeks into my Match experiment I thought I would impart to you things I have learned thus far.

1. Men lie about their height > women lie about their weight/age.

If a guy says he is 6’0 he is really anywhere from 5’10.5″ – 5’11”

If a guy says he is 5’11”- 5’10” he’s really Tom Cruise.

If a guy quoth that he is 5’9″ and below, well he’s really probably as advertised. No guy who advertises openly that he is  5’7″ has anything to hide.

2. The term “Athletic and Toned” is variable.

Match asks men to classify their body type as one of the following:

And while 99% of the guys who have contacted me have listed

I would say that 60% of them are at the VERY AT LEAST

Which is fine, this is America I’ve accepted that, just don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. Any guy can be a liar.

3. Men are REALLY bad at writing and even worse at describing themselves.

It really is no wonder that the US is ranked 11th in the world for reading scores when you consider the horribly formed drivel I’ve had to endure while perusing potential suitors. You can refer to previous posts but let me enlighten you further.

I am a small man with a big heart. I’m not a clydesdale.

I am looking for beautiful woman who  will support me. I would prefer a young lady who has not been around the block. I eat Mexican food daily.

Thank you sir for clarifying that you are not a Budweiser horse and advertising openly that you want a hot sugar mama while you sit on your couch eating Cholupas from Taco Bell. Where do I sign up?

And another gentleman who I’m pretty sure is on some FBI list somewhere. . .

[I’m rewriting my profile after getting some feedback from my friends and family. They disliked  alot of things on my profile. So here it goes again.]I had a few messages asking about my username. Yes, ketamine is a drug and not necessary illegal. It is a powerful anesthetic that’s used in both human and veterinary medicine. I picked it as my username because I actually had a chance to use it the day I opened my Match account.

. . . and they never found that girl again.

I’m pretty sure I know someone else who uses Ketamine also. . . .

I could go on and on but wanting to ring in the New Year with a shinier and more optimistic outlook there are still some potential normal seeming great guys.

Arson Detective is still in the running. Though I get kinda freaked out by his work he seems to be (for the most part) a well adjusted guy.  He has seen and experienced some of the harriest investigations (probably looking into Ketamine up there)  and doesn’t appear to be too jaded however, he is an only child (minus 1 pt.) but has a pool in his building and TWO bathrooms (no pts from me, but 1000000 for NY housing)

Mayo This guy I have so named because his real last name is a sauce and I just think it’s funny to nickname him another sauce. You may see him in the future listed as (Bernaise, Hollendaise, Teriyaki, Au Jus, BBQ to name a few) He’s a Red Sox fan (plus 10) from Maine (potential plus 1 for lobster rolls) and he’s cute in that New Englandy way.

Not quite like that, but not bad.

I will keep you updated in 2011.  But I will leave you with this note. If at any point a guy on his profile says he’s looking for a girl who is “fun loving and open minded” it means he wants you to be into threesomes.

Happy New Years!!!

So while Christmas day is always a pretty sedate affair in my house; my mom convinces me usually upon my arrival to give her her present immediately so she’s been using her Lancome night creme for 8 days by this point, my dad gets his present Christmas morning, I open my envelope with cash and we hug and call it a day basically.

That is until my adorable nieces come over to open their bounty from their Aunt who may or may not feel guilty for living so far away and tries to assuage that guilt by spoiling them needlessly. . .

She can hardly lift them all (thats the sign of a good Aunt)

With the exception of the 2.2 minutes it takes my nieces to open their presents, Christmas is just like any other day around this house which is why whenever I come home during the holidays I’m always so surprised to see the myriad of holiday decorations LITERALLY over every inch of our house.

Not quite like this but in a slightly less expected way.

ie like in my bathroom. I am greeted by a bevy of adorable winter creatures on every counter top.

A married snow couple in front of the mouthwash!

I can’t even dry my hands without knocking over an adorable reindeer!

Don’t get the cuties by the sink wet!

Santa mash up in the bay window in the kitchen

Nativity scene in the foyer

Santa (and repurposed tree skirt and ornaments) in the sun room.

Santa night lights in every socket!

But my personal favorite . . .

Drunk Santa at the bar!!

Happy Holidays!!


What Am I Doing? pt 2

So I got another gem of an email today. With so many surprises it’s like Christmas came early this year ! (rolls eyes)

IM A FUN PERSON LOVE TO GO OUT HUNTING FISHING N CAPMING IM P.R 5.9 WT 162 N GOODLOOKING N LIVE IN THE BRONX LOOKING TO FALL IN LOVE AND IM A HARD WORKING MAKING MONEY AND I LOVE LIFE I LIKE TO GO TO THE BEACH im a faith man in a RELATIONSHIP I WOULD love to know what she like.learn what she love to do and i would love to met her family .i have green eyes.and am the type of person that loves to go out and have fun .

OK now while I think the merits of a well written, grammatically sound blurb are myriad and probably the greatest single thing you could have to recommend yourself to me.

The next best thing is owning a good suit.

I mean I always  said the next guy I date should have one AMAZING suit. . .Where does one even get this?

I’m pretty sure the same place Cirque Du Soleil gets the material for their tents.

I love being a fashion detective. Happy Christmas Eve!!!

What Am I Doing?

So for the sake of the blog and all your reading pleasure I will stick out the Match trial for reasons unknown to me.

The thought of sharing dinner and/or drinks with someone I’ve never met is bone chillingly terrifying and I don’t know if I ever had intentions of doing it mostly because of emails like the below from suitors unable to function in society since their release on parole.

My names Ken—i love your pics—gorgeous–I like broadway shows–movies—traveling–comedy clubs—amusement parks—I am open minded—willing to try anything—love the nude beach—im recently bi


That is LITERALLY his entire message.

That is all.

So I realize that I rarely speak about my parents on this blog. Much like the yin/yang, Fred/Ginger, Ebony/ Ivory my parents are a curious pairing that in theory shouldn’t work but in reality succeeds beautifully ( not unlike fries dipped in milkshakes).

My father is an uber pragmatic, stoic businessman who rarely finds virtue in reading fiction or watching scripted TV the man is a realist and worships at the shrine of the Dow.

My mother on the other hand is a fantastic dreamer who brings levity and laughter to every situation.  Pictures of my mom on her European honeymoon are my greatest style inspiration.

I have learned that the great secret to a successful marriage is the give and take, the ebb and flow, knowing when to pick your battles. And with parents that differ so greatly in temperament and general nature it’s easy to see who the winner is in any given situation- but no more obvious than in their giftgiving.

Exhibit A: 2004 Birthday – I had just graduated from NYU and my mom had gifted me this!!!

Cartier De Santos watch!!!!

And with the good comes the bad. I have repressed this next memory into the deepest darkest corner of my memory but rarely does someone forget . . .you’ll understand in a second.

Exhibit B: 1996 my 14th Birthday present from guess who (hint: not my mom)

A BOOK ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT PROCRASTINATION!! My dear dad gave me a then 14 year old THAT for my birthday.

This year my mom greeted me at the airport today looking already apologetic and I knew something was amiss. She had ushered me into her work room and gifted me a beautiful Vera Wang jacket that she knew I had my eye on and only then did I know that the gift from my dad this year would be truly horrific.

And it is.

And in even worse news he is operating under the assumption that this is a GREAT gift. As evidenced by his inscription.

It reads “Olivia – This is your BEST present”

I beg to differ, Dad.

So in hopes for a better effort in 2011, here is the ultimate Ohlivin dream gift guide.

Clockwise from top left: Heifer International gifts just $20 can buy a flock of chickens for an impoverished family in the 3rd world, vintage YSL bib necklace, Japanese Bonnie and Clyde poster, Katrina Lapenne Old World rose cut diamond ring (made w conflict free diamonds) , Mark Ronson Record Collection collectors vinyl box set, No6 Clog lace up shearling boots, New Yorker covers from my birthday , Hermy the Hermes plush horse, Sonia Rykiel ‘Divine sweater, limited edition wool Sperry topsiders, Stella McCartney chemise, Trapp’s ‘Bob’s Flower Shoppe’ scented candles,

Happy giving and receiving!!

It’s not too late!!

For you to pick the perfect gift for those special people in your life (or for yourself, le grande VIP!!!) Seeing as how I am a shopping maven I thought I would impart with you what I will be gifting, wishing for, and dreaming about this holiday season.

Let the Ohlivin! gift guide begin!!

For the Natalie Portman wannabe in your life (over 4′ tall):

The New York City Ballet workout DVDs Vol.1 & 2 EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE is abuzz re: Ms. Portman’s (nee Hershlag) performance in ‘The Black Swan’ but what I couldn’t get over was her perfectly lithe limbs and swan like neck. This workout will have you en route to tutu in no time. Warning: there is no glossary of terms so make sure the lucky gift recipient knows her tendus from her plies.

Apollos’s Angels This book was selected by those very picky editors at the New York Times as one of the top 10 books of the year. It is a gorgeous tome on the full history of ballet. While I have not read this particular notable pick, I have read three of the other choices and they are indeed praiseworthy. So by virtue of company alone, this has made it to my list.

Repetto Ballet Flat

Nothing else can quite grande pas you into full ballerina status quite like these. They are the  bonafide original ballet slipper of the chicest of the chic French girls, and while they aren’t inexpensive by any means they won’t set you back nearly as much as those beautiful custom Rodarte pieces that were made for the movie.

Even at resale!!

For the Natalie Portman wannabe in your life (under 4′ tall):

J Crew Girl’s Fancy Dancer Tee!! I just couldn’t help myself when I spied this darling piece on the site for my daily J Crew fix. This shirt is every ballerina girl’s dream without being too precious. We are on the verge of 2011, and so is this shirt – she’s got style, she’s got sass, and she’s got a fabulous hair accessory . . .what else could a girl want?!


I’ll be back tomorrow with picks for those very picky boys!!


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